I thought I was all done digging and had moved on to action. Well, apparently action leads to more revelations, because I got a doozy this time. The one thing that stands out to me is my absolute need to Let Go and Trust.
When did I stop trusting? When did I decide that it hurts too much to trust? That it hurts to LOVE, because anything and everyone I love with all my heart will be taken from me?
When I was 5 my parents bought an acre of land just within village limits in Stewarttown. All trees and brush on a steep hillside, with just enough cleared and leveled off for a small yard and the home we were going to build. I was ecstatic, because to me it was as good as moving to a farm. We never built that home, because my beloved daddy fell ill with leukemia, and died two years later.
My mom remarried a year later. It wasn’t the ideal marriage, because my stepfather was an alcoholic. But I loved him as if he were my own father, and was devastated when a nasty fall put him in a coma, and five weeks later, on Feb.7, he died.
My first husband and I thought we had forever. And why not? We were young! But a few months later he was diagnosed with a brain tumor, and after an endless 17 months of suffering, he lost the battle. I was a widow at 25.
For 12 years my family was involved with The Perfect Church. Things went sour after 10 years, when the pastor and elders allowed greed and ego to overtake them. Nearly half the church was excommunicated in several waves at the end of 2006. Being cast out brought with it huge repercussions that continue for some of us to this day. My children and I lost a lot more than our church. We lost many of our dearest friends.
Just 14 months ago, on a bitterly cold and foggy night, we lost our son James in a highway accident. He was 25.
In a wonderful verse in the book of Isaiah, the Lord promises His children Beauty for Ashes. I confess that too often it felt more like ashes for beauty.
And yet…
In the darkness of a spring evening in 1979, I stood in the empty elementary school yard at Prairie Bible Institute and fought with the Lord over an issue I had battled for many months. I was tired of being a widow. I wanted desperately to marry again. That night I let go of that struggle, and embraced what the Lord had for me in that Present Moment, and trusted Him for the future. Less than three years later, I had completed my studies and was married to Ian.
I told Michael a year ago that I am ALL IN. But am I really? Do I even know what it means to throw myself heart and soul into something?
Oh yes! I know what it means all right. It’s what kept me at my first husband’s side during the long, weary days of his illness. Days when he was overcome by horrific hallucinations and cast twisted accusations at me. Divorce was never an option, and I never stopped loving this man who was so gentle and kind before the illness and meds altered his mind.
Ian and I have had our rough times too, but we have always been 100% committed to one another. We celebrate 29 years of marriage this coming Sunday.
So why do the results in my business this past year make it look like I’m not all in? What’s the problem?
Just as I let go of my desperate longing to be married, and trusted God with my future… so I need to let go of my fear of putting my whole heart into something. I am 100% sold on Mentoring For Free and all that Michael and Linda Dlouhy and all the other mentors in this mastermind group stand for. I know in my heart that this is the best and ONLY way to truly succeed long term in network marketing. The System works.
As Michael said on Monday’s call, I need a self talk that answers that fear and lack of trust… and say it, not 100, but 300 or 400 times a day.
It’s just that simple.
Willena Flewelling
Alberta Canada
~ A lesson learned from Ch.7 of Think and Grow Rich, by Napoleon Hill, originally posted at 30DayMentalCleanse.info
© Willena Flewelling
Success in 10 Steps
Phone 780-349-7163
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Thank you so much sharing your story I enjoyed reading your post. It’s definitely worth the read. Keep it up
Hi Willena,
What a story! You’ve come through many hardships and trials of faith. I’ve been through the process of loosing a loved one and know first hand how difficult that can be. I admire your strength, courage and faith. That committment will carry over into your business and I’m sure you’ll find not only the success but comfort in life.
Mike Sweeney – TSA
@Mike Sweeney, Thanks, Mike. To carry that commitment over into my business… great thought.
Willena
This is a very personal and touching story. I know that everyone has a cross to bear so when I hear stories such as yours I wonder how some people seem to have a heavier cross. But we are called to carry whatever cross we have and that God will never give us more than we can handle God sees your strength and determination.
I hear in your post that you do know how to live full out and give all that you have. Keep on keeping on and one day you will look back with a smile on your face.
Take Care,
Kathy
@Kathy Sammons, Thank you, Kathy. He truly does give us only what we can handle, with His help and by His grace. Speaking for myself only, I would say the strength and determination came as a result of the cross.
Willena
Willena you been through one heck of a roller coaster ride. One tragedy after another and another. But here you still stand. And all this has been happening in such a short period of time. Life can seem so cruel at times. But with this story it goes to show basically two things in my point of view. That we go through trials in our life where we learn from important morals, lessons, tests, and phases, one after another, and we learn to grow from them. No telling sometimes why we experience them. And second; is that nobody is perfect by no means no matter who you are. But there is always some good in most people. This story goes to show that Im grateful for the little things that I do have and most importantly my family. But I too have experienced loss almost back to back. And you just have to pick up the pieces and keep going. Appreciate you sharing this story. Almost everyone can relate to your story. But maybe not as brutal as this. I hope your healed after all those fatal wounds Willena. I commend you for your will to move forward in life despite all of this.
Steven Dean
Steven Dean recently posted..How To Build A Massive Successful Downline In Your Network Marketing Business
@Steven Dean, Hey Steven
I was watching home videos one night shortly after James’ death, and found myself watching and yearning for the slightest glimpse of him or snatch of his deep, contagious laughter. I even found myself resenting all the times the one behind the camera (usually one of my daughters, Raewyn and Vicki) could have shown James but didn’t. And then it hit me… I was watching for James to the exclusion of my other children. It’s understandable, to be sure, but it taught me something. My husband and ALL of our children are precious to me, and if it had been one of the others who died that night, I would have missed him or her just as much. And I realized how important it is NOT to allow my grief over losing James to make me lose sight of my other children. They need their mom more than they did before, because they are going through the pain of grief and loss too.
Willena
Willena –
You have an uncanny ability to tell a story that grabs readers around the heart and doesn’t let them go! WOW! Your lesson in letting go so that your hand is open to receive more is awesome. Thanks for being willing to share it and taking us on your journey with you. And congrats on your anniversary! Have a powerful week, Allegra
Allegra Sinclair recently posted..Spiritual Connection Can Create Balance in Your Life
@Allegra Sinclair, Allegra, what you said about my writing is one of the nicest and most powerful things you could have said to me. Thank you so much for your encouragement!
Willena
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Wow, Willena, you have experienced so much loss in your life, yet you can still smile. Good for you. I think that most people would choose their own troubles if they knew what kind of troubles other people have. And I’m am so sorry for the loss of your son. I appreciate your sharing your story.
Wishing you a song in your heart,
Miss Leslie @ Music with Miss Leslie
Miss Leslie recently posted..Have You Heard of The 5 Browns
@Miss Leslie, Thanks, Miss Leslie… comments like yours make me *want* to smile.
Willena
Hi Willena,
Wow, thank you for sharing such a personal story. I have children myself and wouldn’t know how I would cope in your situation. I admire your devotion and commitment to your family and the strength to continue moving forward. With this kind of attitude, you’ll be a superstar in your business, if you’re not already.
Thank you for this heartfelt story!
Janette Stoll
Janette Stoll recently posted..How to Attract More Leads to Your Party Plan Business Opportunity
@Janette Stoll, Janette, I don’t think any of us really knows how he would cope in that situation. I don’t know how I would, if I should lose another child or my husband. I had many months to prepare for my first husband’s death… and no warning at all when we lost our son. Both situations were equally difficult. Grace comes when we need it, and not before.
Willena