Isn’t it odd how two people can look at the same thing and come to opposite conclusions? Or how we as individuals can look at the same thing at different times, and see it as black or white?
A friend recently commented that personal growth and change “takes a long time”, and “is a long, slow process”. Seems innocent enough, right? But think about it. When we say things like that, it’s usually an expression of frustration and dis-empowerment, no matter how positive we think we’re being.
I’ve been thinking about it a lot, because I am guilty of doing that all the time. I know the answers are there in front of me and I only need to act on them. By itself, that is not a comforting thought, because I know how often I fail. It frustrates and annoys me to no end that I am not progressing faster.
As part of my personal development plan, I am studying “The Purpose Driven Life”, by Rick Warren. He is directly addressing Christians and their relationship with God and the church, but there are some amazing parallels between his book, and “Think and Grow Rich”, by Napoleon Hill.
Rick Warren says:
~ It takes years for us to grow to adulthood.
~ It takes a full season for fruit to mature and ripen.
~ When you try to ripen fruit quickly it loses its flavour.
~ If God wants to grow a mushroom, He does it overnight.
~ When He wants to make a giant oak, He takes a hundred years.
So what is the difference between what Rick Warren is saying, and the comment my friend made?
The difference is a matter of perspective. Children and teenagers may be in a hurry to grow up, but we, their parents, are not. We want to give our children the very best chance at being well-adjusted, mature adults. We know that growth is gradual, and we don’t try to force or rush the process. Steady, gradual change is natural, and GOOD.
We don’t think of children as being “slow” to grow when they’re not fully mature at age 10. We don’t push them out of the home at age 14. It’s normal and natural to take 18-20 years or more.
We don’t think apples are “slow” to ripen when they’re not ready in June. It’s normal and natural for them to be ready in September.
Here in northern Alberta, we have only about 4 inches of topsoil. Our trees are mainly quaking aspens and spruce. Aspens are popping up all over the place these days because of all the rain we’ve been having. They can shoot up 10 feet in a couple of years. But their root systems are weak, and unless they are cultivated, they seldom live longer than 20 years. Aspens are no good for lumber or firewood… the wood is too soft and burns too quickly. I don’t want to be an aspen. I want to be a tall, strong oak, with a firmly established root system, which will be around for a long time, and will be of benefit to others even after it’s gone.
We worry about HOW FAST we grow, but the important thing is HOW STRONG we grow.
We want the quick fix, the shortcut, the on-the-spot solution. We want a seminar, a conference, an experience that will instantly resolve all problems and release us from growing pains. 
But real maturity is never the result of a single experience, no matter how powerful or moving. Growth is gradual.
Our negativity didn’t develop overnight, and it’s unrealistic to expect an immediate change in every area. It requires focused, slight edge activities, day after day after day, until one day we wake up and realize that monkey on our back no longer has any power over us and we can shake it off.
From now on I will remember how far I have come, not just how far I have to go.
I am not “slow” or “stupid” or “weak”. I am progressing steadily, growing and improving all the time.
I am an OAK, growing tall and strong. I am a LEADER developing my talents and skills and becoming established as a Mentor with a Servant’s Heart.
© Willena Flewelling
Success in 10 Steps
Phone 780-349-7163
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Willena,
This is brilliant! I have read both books and love the comparison of ideas you present. Your article is a refreshing reminder to all that there is an optimum pace for all things. Change that pace and everything starts to go haywire. Excellent work
Peter, you know what I find funny? Rick Warren makes it clear in the first chapter that he does not like “self-help” books, because the focus is on me, me, me. But as a Christian, all I have to do is remember where it all starts — with GOD and who I am in HIM — and it all fits together perfectly!
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That is a brilliant perspective of growth. I guess, I have also been the culprit of attempting short-cuts with short-term successes. The natural growth is the ultimate way to reap the long-term benefits. It is true for our life, for businesses, for skills, and almost everything. I am just starting to imagine, what I couldn’t include here.
Thanks again for putting up a thought-provoking piece.
Thanks for stopping by, Ilyas.
I think it’s because when we experience natural growth, it’s more or less even, so that our whole being has a chance to grow with it.
Very interesting (as always) Willena … I have that book by the way, and enjoyed it thoroughly. A lot of the writing I do could be called personal development – I prefer the term personal transition. So many of the personal development strategies are cookie cutter formulas when in fact each one of us brings a different set of experiences to the table. That’s why I prefer the term “transition” because it’s really about focusing on your personal journey. Your friend has had different levels of experiences during her journey and if she hasn’t actively transitioned out of one phase into another, then for her creating positive change probably is more of a struggle than for some others.
Personal “development” is a good term, but it does suggest struggle, or being stuck in one spot for a long time. It shouldn’t, but it does, at least to me. “Transition” is a great term, Marquita. It speaks to me of movement, sometimes laborious and painful, but definitely going forward to the next phase.
Great post Willena. You had me at “We worry about HOW FAST we grow, but the important thing is HOW STRONG we grow.”
Personal growth comes in many forms. Every challenge is an opportunity to learn and grow. Some personal growth experiences sometimes let us feel as if the world is testing us and asking for more than we can give. We may feel uncomfortable, frightened and unsure of what to do. But it’s during these periods that we grow stronger as we work through our challenges.
Thanks for sharing Willena..
Jeff
Personal growth does indeed come in many forms. When I was a new mom, I worried when my children were slow to walk, or slow to talk… until I realized that when a child is “slow” in one area, it’s because he’s growing by leaps and bounds in another area! They all catch up and even out eventually.
Willena,
your insight is remarkable on growing slowly wise. It’s not how long it takes to accomplish each step in you life. It is having the patients to understand some things take longer for others.
Not comparing myself to anyone else has helped in every area of growth. There are times when task seem they take to long. They will never be accomplished before I loose interest. That is a problem I had to overcome.
When the challenging times of patients kick in. I look at how it will be once this phase is complete. That motivates me to digg in deep and weather the storm. I love challenges now that I understand my learning curve. I know each person is different and I am not focusing on how fast to accomplish. I am focused on mastering a skill. Learning more each day helps me explain something to others that require that same knowledge.
Willena, your an inspiration to all of us. I love your site and look forward to the next subject. Knowing all the wisdom I will gain has me excited. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you, William. You are always such an encouragement!
Willena
Hi Willena, there is a huge amount of wisdom behind your words and some great reminders for all of us. Thanks so much for the post
And I thank YOU for your kind comment, Mandy.
Willena
These are great words of wisdom Willena! Growth does take time and it is a process. The key is that we need to be committed to that process.
Blessings,
Kevin
I agree, Kevin. Commitment is a HUGE factor.
Willena
Hi Willena,
It is a very nice post and I enjoyed reading it. I simply love the sentence “I am not “slow” or “stupid” or “weak”. I am progressing steadily, growing and improving all the time” .This sentence gives me or hopefully many others a new motivation.
Thank you, Syeda. “I am progressing steadily, growing and improving all the time.” Sounds like a great self-talk!
Willena
You are absolutely right. But we certainly do want it to happen faster… I chuckle as I read this as I can totally relate to what you are going through!! I get a little annoyed sometimes when I think that something isn’t going the way I think it should ( not fast enough change) then realize, that everything is perfect in its’ time. Whether it be a road block and I have to build a bridge to get over it, or if I have to struggle through it. It is all part of the journey. I am with you on the fact that I want to be an oak tree that is tall and strong and a leader developing my talents and skills. Great post, Willena!
It isn’t easy learning to enjoy the process… the journey… but frustration over “slow” growth only causes me to spin my tires, thereby digging myself into a rut and making it REALLY hard to move forward. Silly, huh?
Willena
Hi Willena.
You offer a good analogy. We truly are an instant gratification society especially when it comes to money and yet, there are just some things that can’t be rushed. If you truly want to build a solid foundation, then you need to get it right. If you want to build on quicksand, then by all means, rush it. Thanks for sharing your analogy.
That’s another great analogy, Linnea… building on quicksand. It makes me think of the parable in the Bible about building your house on the rock or on the sand. My husband often tells our kids, if you want to build a castle, don’t build it out of sand. And he should know… he makes THE BEST sand castles!
Willena
“We worry about HOW FAST we grow, but the important thing is HOW STRONG we grow.”
Such a great message, and you’re 100% right. When I go though challenges in life, I always try to take what I can to improve myself. Obstacles that we face are useless when we go through them and learn nothing.
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“Obstacles that we face are useless when we go through them and learn nothing.”
Very true, Tim! Thanks for sharing your wisdom.
Thanks for sharing this great blog.. Keep up the good work.. It is so nice to hear great tips from the expert..
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Thanks, Sally!
I agree, Kevin. Personal “development” is a good term, but it does suggest struggle, or being stuck in one spot for a long time.
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Some personal growth experiences sometimes let us feel as if the world is testing us and asking for more than we can give. Thanks for stopping by, Ilyas. Thank you, William. Not comparing myself to anyone else has helped in every area of growth.
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